teaching
obviously, when i started this job i thought i was going to be writing a lot about it. i mean, i knew i would have a lot to say. that has turned out to be true to a degree i could not fathom prior. my mind has undergone countless initial deformations, and subsequent vibrations, on patterns of ideas that span nearly every possible related topic.
everything i once believed, at some point aug-nov, i abandoned, but not for empty space. for so much thought that i didnt see coming, that has been simmering, that is still far from done. how can i ever express to people this kind of massive transformation-- how could i ever properly convey its magnitude? to answer this question i would need a clear mind, which i have only come into over the last couple weeks. i am gaining clarity in the sea of conflicting opinions. those which, most buoyant, have floated to the surface of my mind, are shaped as long-lasting tensions. struggles that were with me in the beginning, obstacles that i now feel myself overcoming. so i finally wrote a few of these down-- found the words, never so hard for me before, to articulate why this job has been so difficult to the point where i lose my reflective capacity to even explain how so. and yes, i am probably over-d
(unfinished, published anyway dec 1)
