i love you riley! sorry for calling you new. you are almost old to me. just another couple more months. i mean you just opened the main lore box. thank you for listening. i love you.
roomie and i just split a bottle of wine. now i'm listening to "for no one," my spotify playlist that is obviously for someone. well aware that certain conversation topics bring only dopamine, i bring them up... embarrassing, she says its part of the early 20s... my plant now has 7! leaves.
"i found the keepsake of you/ in that old wardrobe/ in the cellar/ take it with you/ when you leave."
a free copy of a visit from the goon squad is on my side table. i wonder a lot of things these days: if 3 dollars matters, who he texts me about, if the flowers are finally dead.
an open closet, a never-swept floor, warm laundry. chronic illness. skill.
i need to quickly make tomorrow's classwork. i took today off because i needed to and nothing matters. an expansion definition of nihilism is called for. i imagine what it would be like to be near a beach. i imagine what it would be like to make music more often, to have sex again, yeah. to grow my own tomatoes.
i'll wear pants tomorrow to cover a new tattoo. i'll continue to avoid thinking about sex. a year ago feels very, very far away. there are many people that i need to text back. lots of needs. a tuesday starts the week. a monday delays one, preserves one, wondering. a mid-length brown skirt from the vintage store. two new rings quickly turning old, like a connection, a gift. is there a word for someone who receives a lot of gifts? spoiled. could you be spoiled by the sun? it's been a while... spoiled by the sun. cold air at night-- i know what i'm signing up for. change as a light. next unit on forces. driving ones driving me driving across the country across ... ... 9 months. i counted for the first time. august to august says the planner. to august. to august to august to august to august to august to
!!!
on my windowsill i see:
think i'll be a fairy for halloween. and a toolbelt. think i'll live. and i'll stay alive.
love you-- i love you!
<3 kate
21 oct 2025 tues 1 am
p.s. i love my new tattoo!