planted in the kitchen
a glass mug of iced tea reminds me of long island in summer. i remind myself that my feelings of worry are from the alcohol consumed last night, a depressant. i note my agenda i've just written out:
pancakes (chocolate chip banana)
muffins (chocolate chip banana)
patatas (of the bravas variety)
stew
onigiri
here is my most recent journal page, taken on the bus last night:
This is the first time I have included a photo of my notebook on here: I was thinking yesterday, as I sat to edit this blog for the first time in a while, that copying over my written entries onto a webpage's digital canvas does not fully capture any experience, which is the hope of all this. If I am going to post my journal entries here, as I have been, I should give second thought to omitting original handwriting, structure, etc., in the name of web design, as these elements of the notebook so often reflect truths that a cursedly consistent typefont on WordPress could not ever.
And still, I write in both places (here & there). That has been a struggle of mine, choosing where to put stuff. Right now I see a stack of inspired papers, stuffed into yet another notebook I haven't gotten around to properly anthologizing. The project-to-do sits on our coffee table at the other end of my feet. Perhaps today is ripe for that task; we will see. I also own a gold diary that I recently decided would be for less frequent, long-form writing, so that I could still keep up in my journal without committing pages of it to text. It began that way, in the winter deadness a few months back, and I didn't like it. Over the last couple of weeks, it's found its way back to the colorful mess I remember being most capable of and excited by. I want to be able to like the look of the pages, you see. Kind of a stressful desire to harbor, honestly, but worthwhile, if only for the unmatched feeling of producing a one-of-a-kind spread both informative and beautiful.
and now for some pikshurs....scroll please....
Exhibit A: I had to record some labs for my class in science teaching methods-- getting that masters degree no matter how corny I have to be on the way. You'll notice there's many other (long) videos stuffed into my PhotoBooth... vlogs yet to see the light of day... I must give more thought to uploading their transcripts here, or opening an unlisted YouTube channel. It's my therapy, though-- speaking into my phone or computer for the better part of an hour-- so I frequently doubt that it would make sense on replay.
Exhibit B: Brought some Chinese food into the bar last Sunday afternoon. It was raining, but I opted for my awesome jacket rather than an umbrella-- by the time we finished the 20 minute walk my pants were entirely wet,, oooooh. Had been so indulgent (sushi, beer, couch sleep) thus was feeling invincible, I guess. Weekend of dreamy, mellow gluttony for El's birthday ♥ It all suddenly became so personal when I realized I actually knew 2 guys in the band that we had gone to see, including multi-year nameless crush from the hill. By the time we left the venue, after more than a few rounds of sushi go, decided that I would be pursuing a local music scene explicitly not associated with Northeastern, so I could go on dates with musicians and feasibly expect to not see them again...yeah... when you don't reply to the goodbye text and then he is there on stage... eerrghh1!! Will still be hunting musicians nonetheless. More on that soon.
Exhibit C: I love Boston's porches. I find them to be so special. Just think about their number and utility. Wow. So I take pictures of them often. This is how you know I'm doing better, actually, for those that don't know-- when I'm snappin' pics all the time, it signals that my mental health is in a good place. Lil fun fact. A lackluster camera roll = recession indicator. Could've gone a different way with this exhibit c too, wait: I wonder about how much of me has been shaped by this city. It's a ton, as far as I can tell now, and I only started noticing it recently. I've got a Notion page going that's supposed to help me narrow down where I want to move to next-- a spreadsheet of cities with tags to rate how well they meet my main living requirements. Once I had set this up, having chosen such key requirements from a list of mere preferences, it came to me that my desires are not mine alone, but represent the inclinations of someone who has just inhabited Boston for some time. For instance, I want to have access to nature wherever I reside, since I've developed quite a modest camping habit since college. (I had never backpacked or made a s'more previously and was lucky enough to get paired with a random roommate who would encourage me to fulfill my childhood dreams and sleep in a tent for the first time.) The part of my personality dedicated to the outdoors, then, owes its life to this very northeast wilderness. I credit the White Mountains, Acadia, western Mass, southern Vermont, for gifting me with a now-immutable drive to be there, or to be somewhere like there. If I hadn't gone to college here, with a few national parks just a couple hours away, and found friends that were into this, it's very likely that I wouldn't have to rate potential future dwellings based on their ability to give me a comparable experience. This one-two is not just about camping, of course. The same co-creative relationship can be found in my liking of porches, weed (to smoke on the porches), and public transportation. I am not my own person. I am a sponge and a reflection. Part of my life, my being, has been handed over to this town, and it will always live here-- or risk dying anywhere else.
(insert 3 pikshurs here)
there are more things to say and photos to share (!), but this entry is telling me to wrap itself up.
all love
kate
sat feb 22
