literally just a day with two fun updates

  1. a text i sent the night before
  2. a text received the morning after
hahaha. the last 3 nights have been all about laughing. i feel like ive been doing so much of it. and that its been hearty recently, the laugh. and ive noticed my eyes squinting more. and my smile bigger. just recently.

i looked at my side profile in a new mirror setup before stepping into the shower. it's...pointy in a way that i haven't yet learned to come to expect. but i suppose it could, hypothetically, be beautiful. that will be enough for now.

i love myself so much, and im so glad i had such a wonderous middle third of the year. i still carry some of that warmth inside my hearth. the small flame, oxygen blown fanned over it, keeps burning. keeps me burning. for a bus ride. a grocery trip with only my hands and legs. appreciating all that the air brings. thank you, kate.

its far too late now. but here i am, realizing i might not need to be anxious for the next few days like i find myself, for whatever reason. tomorrow day = prepped as fuck, my skills = solid enough to not worry, tomorrow eve = hill plans with boys that i can go to so easily and select my own vibe, especially given that they're giving me time after school to work-- or save it to rush out. i can decide in the moment. wed day = field trip,, what, wed eve = hanging out :), thurs day = 2 days away like chill..., thurs night = do gotta be ready for BU class... so i'm not worried about tm or even the day after but what has to be accomplished in those two days to not have a stressful day on thursday. and what will i do friday night? i still do not know. sat/sun materializing bit by bit... and then its monday again...

one time either my mom or my therapist said that anxiety is just future-directed thinking. idk if thats true, like, ive never really jived w that definition, but sometimes the very most this idea will do is point out to me that i am obsessing, maybe, over the future, or spending a more-than-normal amount of time thinking/emoting about somethings that haven't happened yet.

gonna cut it here cuz that last paragraph def ass.

love

<3

love you guys

<3

thanks for helping me

<3

k8

nov 4th at midnight, a monday.