in the airport thinking about my boobs
idek when i board.
the ticket says in 10 minutes.
just got a notification that my depop offer for a vintage diesel bag was accepted. fire. new wish coming true-- for a while i've been wanting to have a bag ready at all times for adventuring at any moment. i've got a list somewhere of what i'm gonna put in it. really excited. looking forward to being more mobile. and this is the perfect little thing. i already know where the lighter will go (in the old spot for the nokia)
so, here it is. there is something stifling about being home-- but i don't even want to talk about that. i don't want this to be about that, really. but it must be said. and its about nipples?
there's a difference in being able to wear a t shirt without a bra -- which normally makes me feel so safe, so powerful + comfortable in public -- and not, covering up.
i've been thinking a lot about gender this week. i mean, i always am, of course. but it's like i prepped myself to have a particularly loud experience about it by not packing any feminine clothes so that i wouldn't have the option to melt down (haha).
yay im excited to be going back. wearing my college sweatshirt at my gate haha. so holiday. so grown. terribly anxious to get back to work, of course. dancing in my seat as i eat my mezcla bar, thanks mom.
family time this week was great. truly special. i've never felt more present for it, all the conversations i had. some highlights:
* giving my (not so) little (anymore) cousin (<3) relationship advice that she was sincerely appreciative of & seemed to mean something to her in terms of what to do next
* got gpa's life story. he was getting up (unsteadily!) from the kitchen to the living room to "sit awhile." "would you like company?" I said. "What?" he replied. "Would you like company?" I repeated. "Oh, sure, yes!" The table chuckles and cheers. Brownie motherfucking points. Kidding lol. So I grab my teeny tiny glass of wite wine (OK Grandma) and sit on the couch I will inherit one day (they all know it, he just fixed a patch in the cushion for me but left 2 lightbulb burns when he did) with my legs underneath me and just start asking questions. He's worked so many jobs. He kept finding memories that would make him laugh-- like when a buddy whose name I mighta heard before told him that to shoot right he's gotta be 6 spades ahead of the flock when pointing the rifle. he ended up shooting the last duck and thinking it should've been 7! but remarked on how that was such a funny way to say that, how weird it was to try to picture the spades in the air, how silly!
2024/12/01 at 9:25 pm
