coming here during lesson planning as an escape

not because it is some fun activity

it really is work
and this is play

phoebe bridgers, despite her faults, delivers a truly touching album with Stranger in the Alps (2017). it makes me want to be still, and type slower, and rock myself back and forth, so i do. it is commanding. i must.

i curse the choice to wear airpods to sleep last night, with it being folk, losing one bud along the way and not realizing it till i was already gone from her-- the reason i cannot fully absorb this song right now; they're charging.

also waiting for my rice to be done cooking. event of the night.

i wonder who will get back to me. generally... sending feelers out 2 strangers...

i have to make a powerpoint presentation for a party this saturday night. i think i have to make it about things men have put on tinder. my sexuality, so oriented. my mind, so displeased.

this sounds crazy stupid, i know, but i think im still in love with an old love-- okay, stubborn about letting it go, if anything-- because upon reflection it gains a faintly-intellectually inspired quality of youngness-that-will-never-be-again. this i question, on it's head, of course, but one must still wonder, for her-- how to sever oneself from that loss? how to enter cold water? ((fforward-ppointed))

this salmon bowl better go hard.

the apartment could use more heat, at times, i think to it. but other times it is so hot, my face is warmth. i wait for my fresh rice and remember what it was like to be on steroids; thank you i'm off them now, but i really ought to do something about my skin.

i love salmon bowls. they just always remind me of home when i least expect it <<33

Monday Feb 3 2025

<3 k8