hi blog,
this post is not about children. it's about men i know. disclaimed.
the thing about men, they tap into that simple animal mode so quickly.
the posturing, the peacocking, like, i cannot.
imagining showing up to a social hang and this is your to-do list:
or, alternatively, say, if you were in a soft place that day, have on your docket:
it just makes me laugh. it's okay guys. everything is ok why are you being weird
its funny that #triggered got evil-ized into homophobic shit because these fucking men literally born all that into existence.
listing to Paparazzi right now, trying to decide if what i've just written sounds mysandric. ultimately, it is not . there is a true dialectic being called for here. maybe its just the music (...real ones know), but i must confess something. of course this is hot. (sometimes im like am i just running a sex blog)
before you kill me let me say i'm happy to die. at a certain point it's just pride onwards. we're at that point ?
in high school i realized this, that it was actually quite thrilling to be with some boy who has a handle on the instincts that he also lowkey can't help.
now Promiscuous is playing (admittedly been taking breaks from writing to search 4 tix 2 SF) and i remember how i've been influenced. all the versions of my sexuality that i have embodied. honestly she served. always been very confident in liking things & being liked.
blesssiinnnggggg!!!
in summary, there's a
true lust, on my behalf, which is inextricably linked to
honest-to-god crude energy.
-- friday apr 11 2025
addendum, sat apr 12: today i was on some beerbongs & bentleys in the car on the way to NH to hike / slide around in the snow when el said, in reference to the music, "see this is the part of your sexuality that im still trying to figure out," which made me laugh. great way of putting that. i instantly thought of this post. it wasn't finished last night, and i still wonder why i choose to share what i do. it just feels too important to not write down... like if i feel something so strongly, if it is such a part of my experience of who i am, then well it ought to be known about (goes the theory). i also wonder how i can pivot to writing about other things. philosophy is a way of life and equivalent to spirituality for me... a new part of me thinks that i should scrap this diary stuff, save it for my journal fr, and force myself to grow do essays.
all for now,
k8
<3