blog update & big changes

hey blog,

you were just born again! you're on wordpress now instead of tumblr because mom needed a change. you'll probably change a million times again, too, in your life, won't we all?

i just graduated college. there's so much to say about that. mostly ive been laughing about the fact that i got a degree in philosophy because, you have to admit, that's pretty funny, or at least uncomfortable, when you consider the debt, and the norms. don't regret that, of course, not once did i or will i. philosophy is a life force that, gone without, i could've really not survived college as myself. but i did! and that's something to celebrate-- so I did. i came out to my mom, got drunk at dinner with my grandparents, and took mother to a bar-turned-club. i screamed for palestine during the grad ceremonies, which were boring, and wore a really nice linen dress i purchased for probably too much but it'll last! i drank in the morning with adults and in the night with adults and let my sister be my DD. treating myself left and right because god- here's the repeating line- that was so hard. like, incredibly so difficult, as we know... [the narration of my life continues to update and still we see, looking back, months and months of depression, crippling anxiety, then a reprieve a little over a year ago, and another two semesters-- last one tough!-- and then the sun.]

we're under the sun now. true to my nature, the first day i had to myself in this perfect first appt of mine, i reorganized the kitchen. on the second day, i went on a big walk around the city, to fenway to try on backpacks (my torso is 18 inches!) and to kenmore to drop off film, then through back bay for some shopping (bought nothing but brioche just to see what it's actually supposed to taste like) and sushi. i slept on the couch with the windows open and have been thinking a lot about moving somewhere warmer. i feel connected to the air, but with vulnerability-- if she is sad then so too am i. and the sun goes away.

day 3 now. all i want to do is create but yesterday it became apparent to me that i am tired. that makes sense, but is frustrating. ive been meaning to sit down and make a list of everything i want to do with my freedom in this month and the new world and i know its so much but then im blank and motionless and maybe, baby needs rest. so i rest and i clean (but not my room) and make stir fry and marinate chicken and seek inspiration but find sparks gone. so i spark up and watch movies. but not too inspired *ugh* !! so i say just a couple days kate always temporary

i did do some writing the other night while high. its probably nothing profound-- really none of this is-- but it felt good. and it made me want to make something better. so im here and ive gotta really do it, work, exert. redid the blog but no, kate, actually write. all this meta crap is exceedingly annoying. the point of this is to capture something real

so what's up?
  1. single for lack of trying
  2. achilles heel becoming clear
  3. my family lowkey rocks
  4. teaching coming up; scary; grounded in anarchist principles
  5. just watched call me by your name, elio is so me it hurt a little
  6. should plan backpacking trip asap
  7. watching movies is how i practice presence; this too
  8. nips OUT recently- turning point in my growing up
  9. other stuff i can write about: challengers, gender, weed
main hobbies/interests rn
  1. baking
  2. cooking
  3. movies
  4. writing (hi)
  5. camping
  6. smoking haha
  7. dancing
  8. music
that's a lot! and i need to do all of them more or i will die. there's also other ones like
  1. oil pastels
  2. photography
  3. teaching lmfao
  4. making a documentary
  5. physics
that also feel big pull-wise but don't get as much focus (for now). then there's just things that bring me joy on the low but are also so vital?!
  1. tea
  2. interior design
  3. fashion
  4. skincare
  5. philosophy
anyway...profile concluded... i should do a tarot past-present-future reading to conclude this post, because what was this really about? i want to start writing essays on here, like pointed topics or short stories or poems. stuff about stuff. like my thoughts, nuanced, on things like marching band, the current world order, the outside, gut health, etc.

things i rarely do that i love
  1. travel
  2. shrooms
  3. performance
okay done for now. cutting this off to move onto other creative pursuits (filing a video while i smoke a fat joint about myself as a youngin?)

love you deeply,
k8

wed may 8 2024