a blog post in service of a better (future) time

and The Radio Dept.'s 2019 album, I Don't Need Love, I've Got My Band

special connection with my body.why i need it warm
rolling up a tank top bought in december.realizing the drawers might, are designed to, birth
i think about telling my friends i'm in a depressive period
is this true or did i just travel
spent a lot of time not-sober
forgot i ever do,anything
realize i don't*
been thinking about that good feeling in my gums and being stuck here,
a dark, tunnel
it's so long-- i laugh-- 6 months
there's a strange light ahead of it-- really--
it's narrow and strange colored
spits out the months like a blurry of pinks and yellows, and brown shaddows
everything is going to get better
...and it hasn't yet?
the strangest part

my hands are cold but if i move around enough it's fine at the core. specific goals for my bedroom; chapped lips. january 7th. so much to do, too much to do. soooooo much to do. been eating little pieces of chocolate lately and keeping my head down. my hair has reached a weird length, i look like lestat. i've gotten more and less nervous at once. it all really dose a doozy sometimes, yeah? i'm not the same as who i was 3 weeks ago. looking back is hard i did turn 24. i figured on the way home i should write about what i'm thinking about-- it's already been a week or two, so rushed. i supposed i should say that i'm happy with myself, that i really think i'm so cool. maybe that goes. is the idea. and i sing in the car on the way home a lot. notable, too is i don't really cook most nights. and im thinking about everything, but sucked in, only can sometimes, scared but confident. dream-y. disappointed. alone! the texts with my new friends just say "Thursday." i can still say "last week..."

k8
jan 7 2026, night
*not literal